“I have no energy” is a fairly frequent request from people who turn to a therapist for help. “I want to feel filled, but the energy seems to slip through my fingers, I need some kind of resource.” Of course, having a resource is essential, and we are always looking for it, but if the root cause of the “energy leak” is not eliminated, the search for a resource will turn ineffective. So what do we spend our energy on? After all, sometimes we have a lot of it.
Here are the main things:
1. Energy is spent on suppressing strong feelings. For example, the psyche needs to experience fear after certain stress. We do everything not to notice it – we cheer up deliberately, go headlong into work or solve everyday problems, etc. Or something makes us angry, annoys us, and we suppress our anger, relax for purpose, meditate, driving this feeling further and further, thus distracting ourselves from the object of anger. Or we feel pain, we want to cry deep down and be alone with ourselves, but we go to a party to get distracted. The body needs a lot of strength to restrain the feeling, which, by the way, only increases from the fact that it is not noticed. On the contrary, naming and recognizing a feeling always diminishes its power and releases energy.
2. Energy goes away when we don’t make a choice. For example, we are tired or the work is not going productively, but instead of making the decision “to give ourselves a break” or “to do something else temporarily,” we pretend that we are working, but, in fact, we are not doing anything, we procrastinate, and, at the same time, we continue to waste energy, we do not rest. Or, for example, we try to combine two incompatible jobs, hobbies, activities, ideas that we both like but do not dare to choose one of them, we suffer and do not develop in full power, it’s “neither there, nor there”. Failure to make any decision takes a lot of energy, while active choice helps. It releases energy immediately.
3. Energy leaves us when we do not designate our area of responsibility. For example, you can suffer a lot and discuss with colleagues, complain to each other about how wrong everything is: the boss is behaving differently, the system is not perfect, etc. This takes a lot of energy and, most importantly, it seems that it should feel better to complain and speak out, but it does not make it easier… This is because such complaints are a vicious circle, after all, despite them, nothing changes and cannot change quickly. We can change something only for ourselves, having designated our area of responsibility. It helps to ask yourself a question: what can I do for myself in such circumstances and such conditions? How can I improve my work and life conditions in this situation? As a rule, the answer can be quickly found, and we get out of the “vicious circle” that eats up our energy and take small steps towards making our life easier, creating new motivation for ourselves.
4. And, finally, our energy can be taken by another person. We all know how energy vampires work. Indeed, sometimes we can feel that some people seem to “suck” all the energy. The fact is that usually there is an emotional exchange between people, the so-called “energy balance”. Both people take something from each other in a relationship and give something in return. But sometimes, this balance is disturbed – a person takes but does not want to give. In order to avoid this, try to limit the amount of communication with that person and learn how to fill your body with energy by yourself.
Perhaps these are the leading causes of energy drain, and the rest, as a rule, are particulars of some of these points or are inextricably linked with them.