We all know what childhood grievances are. But did we all deal with them in childhood? Very often the problems of adults have their roots in childhood and adolescence. And they accumulate over time and simply poison a person’s life.
By the way, it has to be mentioned that the mechanism of grievance – against a person, yourself, your life, the sun, the stars, or the imperfections of this world – is absolutely the same. We will not reveal any secret, but this world, stars, or another person do not have anything to do with your grievance. It is important to YOU! It touched some of your feelings. It simply pointed to your weaknesses that you need to work on.
What is a grievance?
A grievance is a pain from your past experience. A little boy does not know how to react to many situations. He was hit, but he did not fight back and burst into tears instead. A resentment settled in his soul, against a specific person at first. After that, this resentment spread to all people, and then to the whole world. The child’s conclusion is: “People are evil, they want to hurt me.” His subconscious says that he is a victim. Sometimes a lifetime passes to break and change this wrong belief.
How to be done with it?
There are a lot of reasons for grievances. There are some techniques on how to get rid of them and change the situation. Here is one of them:
1. First of all, admit to yourself: they did not offend me, but I was offended! This is the first step of responsibility for your feelings. Yes, it’s hard to honestly tell yourself what you feel: “I feel resentment for that …”, “I feel humiliated …” or “I’m afraid of betrayal …” etc. And for this, focus on yourself and answer the question: “What do I feel right now?”
2. Try to remember the situation when you were first offended. You will not remember it right away, but if you set such a task, then the brain will surely give you an answer and the image of the situation will pop up in your mind.
3. Reflect on your feelings and sensations that you experienced in that situation. Record these emotions. Then try to recall your thoughts you had then in your head. Via speaking, you will find stereotypical or old thoughts that prevent you from letting go of the grudge.
4. And the last step. Project this situation onto the present by asking yourself: “Am I that weak (helpless, unprotected, etc.) now?”, “Do I need help now or am I already mature enough (strong, can stand up for myself)? “. Even the question: “Is the problem from the past relevant for me now?” – can help let go of that old grudge.
Most importantly, do not slide back to old emotions and grievances. Keep calm and analyze further. If you can’t, and you are overwhelmed by strong feelings – stop thinking and calm down. Come back to this issue later.
If you did everything right, then the grievance will pass, and you will feel a surge of warmth in your soul, as well as the absence of resentment against someone, at least towards yourself, the world, and the stars.
I wish you to cope with insults and enjoy a wonderful life!