When it starts to feel like your spouse is pulling away from your relationship, it can be incredibly painful. You may still be in love with your husband or wife, but you have a nagging feeling that something is wrong.
The more distant they become, the more hopeless you feel. Maybe you are noticing some signs that they want out of your relationship. In this article, we will discuss some common signs that your spouse may be considering leaving your marriage and what you can do if you see these signs in your relationship.
15 signs your spouse wants to leave you
These are 15 signs that your husband or wife may be considering leaving you.
#1: Acting more private than normal
One telltale sign is that your spouse suddenly becomes much more secretive and private than usual. They begin hiding their texts and calls from you or taking their calls in privacy. They may also shield you from their plans and their whereabouts.
#2: The fighting stops
If you notice that your spouse suddenly stops fighting and arguing with you, it might be a cause for concern. Some experts say that as long as both parties in a relationship are still fighting, there is something worth fighting for. When the fighting stops, it might be a sign that your spouse has given up.
#3: Suspicious paperwork
If you have noticed paperwork lying around that you have never seen before, that could be evidence that your spouse is preparing to leave. Specifically, bills or papers from things like storage spaces, apartment rentals, or anything similar. This might be a cause for concern.
#4: They unexpectedly care how they look
When someone starts dressing better, going to the gym, taking better care of their outward appearance, it could just be that they are working on self-improvement. However, it could be a clue that they are looking for a bigger change. If this is the only change that you have seen, it is probably not enough to sound the alarm, but when paired with other signs, it might be worrisome.
#5: Sudden interest in your children
When a spouse suddenly changes the time they spend with their children, it could again be them trying to improve. However, it could also be a way that they are preparing for a divorce. If they are considering moving out, they may want to position themselves for shared or sole custody.
#6: Time spent together is declining
Another signal to watch out for is your spouse wanting to spend less and less time with you. If they are pulling away from you emotionally, chances are they will do the same physically.
#7: Change in your sex life
In line with the number six sign above, if your sex life has dwindled or gotten significantly worse, there may be more going on. All relationships have ebbs and flow in the bedroom, so this alone should not cause immediate concern. When it is in tandem with others, it may be time to worry.
#8: Talk of relocating
In some instances, a spouse who is considering leaving their marriage may talk of relocating. Either to a brand new setting or even closer to other family members. This talk might be their way of preparing for a change they see looming on the horizon.
#9: They make excuses not to spend time together
All couples spend different amounts of time together. This is completely normal. If you have noticed that your significant other is making excuses not to spend time together, this could be an indication that they are pulling away.
#10: A sudden interest in your household finances
If a spouse who has had little to do with the household finances suddenly becomes interested, there might be a reason why. If they are considering a change in your marital status, they might want to know how much money is coming in and out and may also want to prepare to take care of their own finances.
#11: They talk about splitting up taking a break
This one seems obvious but can sometimes get lost in translation. If your spouse has made even the most subtle comments about taking a break or splitting up, you probably should pay attention. Even if it seems like they are joking, there may be more realism to it than you think.
#12: Some of their personal items have disappeared
When one spouse is ready to start transitioning out of the marriage, they might slowly and quietly start to move their things to their new living space. If their clothes or personal items seem to have gone missing for no reason, it could be a sign that they are planning to leave.
#13: They take steps to separate your finances
Another sign that change is imminent is the separation of finances. Opening a new bank account or line of credit, even requesting a split of who pays what bills might be a sign.
#14: They’re spending a lot more time “at work”
A common excuse that a husband or wife may use when they are considering leaving is to spend more time at work. This is an excuse that they probably think their spouse will buy with little question or concern.
#15: They seem distant
A final sign that is very common when a spouse is pulling away from their marriage is that they become very distant. The might not want to talk, spend time with their family, or engage in the family.
What should you do if you notice these signs?
If you found yourself nodding yes to any or all of these signs, it is possible your marriage is in trouble. So what can you do about it? Here are a few guidelines that can be extremely helpful in getting to the root of what is going on and what your next steps are:
- Be open and honest – Try to open up a dialogue with your spouse about what you have observed. Do your best to sound concerned and not accusatory.
- Don’t pick fights – While it might be hard to stay away from picking a fight, it is critical that your exchanges not turn bitter from the beginning.
- Talk to a therapist – Many couples find that talking to a therapist (as individuals and/or as a couple) can be a game-changer. Regardless of your goals, they are trained to walk you through the process of reuniting or splitting.
It’s also important to keep in mind that there are other potential causes for what you are seeing. If your spouse is experiencing extreme burnout from work and life stress or they have an undiagnosed mental illness it can look a lot like a lack of interest in your marriage.
Is it possible to save your marriage?
Whether or not your marriage is salvageable depends on many factors and varies from marriage to marriage. This is where the help of a therapist can be so helpful. Your mental health provider can help you determine whether you can and want to save your marriage. They will help you take a hard look at your relationship and what factors have led you to this point.
Remember, if possible, keep talking to your spouse. You are in this together. Your feelings are likely hurt, but no matter what the outcome, keeping your relationship civil will help everyone concerned in the end.
Some signs that you might be ready to split up
Once you take this hard look at yourself and your marriage, you might find that you are seeing signs in yourself that you are ready to split up. Some of these might include:
- You feel like you are living like single people
- Thoughts of your spouse moving on without you aren’t painful
- Your future goals don’t include them
If this is the case, talk to your therapist and your spouse about what you are feeling. This open dialogue will help the process move as smoothly as possible.
What steps should you take to prepare for divorce?
If it becomes evident that a divorce is a likelihood, there are things you can do to prepare yourself. It might not be where you saw your relationship going, but protecting yourself is very important. If you haven’t done this yet, it is a good time to talk to a therapist either online or in-person to get the support you need.
Feeling like you might be losing your spouse can be a very painful experience for a person. Whether your relationship has been rocky for some time or you are just starting to notice the signs, it is important to take the steps to prepare yourself emotionally for whatever will happen. Be sure to safeguard your mental health, and don’t hesitate to ask for help when you need it.